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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27225478">Toxic Masculinity and Homophobia? Never Heard of Them</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/inoreuct/pseuds/inoreuct'>inoreuct</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!! One-Shots [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Best Friends, Chaos, M/M, Shenanigans, The Pain of Eyeliner, Tsukki.exe has stopped working, tsukkiyama - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:48:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,262</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27225478</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/inoreuct/pseuds/inoreuct</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of closet-ransacking, nail-painting, makeup-applying, speech-writing shenanigans that take place one afternoon when a certain Yamaguchi Tadashi lets one of his best friends Yachi Hitoka convince him to come out as bisexual and confess to a certain salty beanpole.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Platonic Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!! One-Shots [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1873630</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Toxic Masculinity and Homophobia? Never Heard of Them</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I got the inspiration for this fic when a friend and I started talking about how the world needs less toxic masculinity and homophobia. I believe that everybody has the right to do what they want, wear what they want, love who they want and be who they want. Guys, crying doesn’t make you weak or any less of a man. You don’t have to be strong all the time. You can wear makeup, or skirts, or heels, or anything you want! Ladies, GIVE YOUR BOYS SOME LOVE. They deserved to be emotionally doted on and loved too! Buy your man flowers, or hug him for no reason at all. And for anyone feeling confused about their sexuality or orientation; I’ll always be here if you need to talk :) my Instagram is @stingrae.baka so text me if you need to rant or just want a safe space to escape to ❤️ Love y’all so so SO muchヾ(≧▽≦*)o mwah~</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yamaguchi Tadashi flipped around on his bed and yelled into his pillow, replaying the conversation he just had with one of his best friends, Yachi Hitoka.</p><p> </p><p>                                *</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Come on! You know you want to~” Yachi sang, and Yamaguchi could hear her smirk through the phone.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Noooooo! Yes, I want to, but boys aren’t... I don’t know, isn’t it wrong?” Yamaguchi was spread-eagled on his back, playing with a stray thread on the edge of the bedspread.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No! We can love whoever we want to, Dacchan, and I’ve seen him staring dreamily at you more than once. So are you gonna keep hiding your feelings, or are you gonna take a chance?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “But what will other people think?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “As long as you’re happy and feel good about yourself, who cares what other people think?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yamaguchi went quiet, and Yachi was worried for a second that she’d pushed too far, before he spoke again. “Could you come over? And bring whatever makeup, nail polish and accessories you have.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Wow, really going all out, huh?” Yachi squealed excitedly, and Yamaguchi could imagine her hopping on the spot in enthusiasm. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I might only get this chance once. Go big or go home, am I right, Hitoka-chan?” Yamaguchi let out a chuckle of nervous laughter.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yes!!! I’ll be there in fifteen. This is gonna be amazing!”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>                               *</p><p> </p><p>Yamaguchi’s grin grew along with his excitement. <em> We’re actually gonna do this. I’m gonna do this. </em> The doorbell rang. <em> Gah, she’s here- </em>He scrambled down the stairs, rushing to open the front door. Yachi was standing outside with a duffel bag over her shoulder and a silly grin painted on her face. It had barely been ten minutes since she’d hung up; they only lived three bus stops apart. </p><p>“Ready for a makeover?” </p><p>“Uhh… No.”</p><p>“Too bad! Come on!” Yachi stepped inside, bouncing lightly on the balls of her feet. </p><p>Yamaguchi closed the door behind her. “...You’re scary sometimes, you know?” His only reply was bright laughter as Yachi dragged him up the stairs to his room.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, first things first; outfits. I’m just gonna ransack your entire closet. Don’t mind me.” Yachi yanked open the wooden door of Yamaguchi’s dresser so fast that the hinges squeaked in protest. She plunged her hands into the mess of hanging fabric and started riffling through it, pulling out random pieces and tossing them on the bed and pushing others aside. Yamaguchi sat down on the floor with a soft <em> oof </em> next to the duffel bag she had put down, unzipping it to inspect whatever torture instruments she had brought. <em> Ha! I knew it. </em> The bag was stuffed full of tweezers, scissors, brushes and sponges, scattered among palettes and tubes and thin sticks of makeup. And there were accessories. <em> Lots </em> of accessories. Scarves, necklaces, chains, Yamaguchi was even half-sure he caught a glimpse of fishnets at one point. And buried beneath everything was a tupperware container filled with tiny bottles of nail polish.</p><p> </p><p><em> Looks like I’m gonna have to give her a free rein on this one… </em>Yamaguchi picked through the bag as Yachi tossed outfits onto his bed. He searched a while longer and set aside eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss, concealer and blush. He already knew what makeup he wanted to try; he’d known for a long time, actually. He just didn’t have the guts or the skills to apply it. </p><p>“Dacchan? What’s this?” Yachi called from the other side of the room, holding up a soft, oversized pastel green T-shirt with a stegosaurus embroidered on the left breast pocket.</p><p>“Hmm? Oh! That’s Tsukki’s, we keep clothes at each other’s houses, since we sleep over so often.” </p><p>A sly grin tugged at Yachi’s lips. “You have got to wear this.” </p><p>“...What? No!”</p><p>“Why not?” Yachi looked at him with a look that screamed ‘seriously?’, her eyebrows raised.</p><p>“Because- Because it’s his shirt! I can’t wear his shirt!”</p><p>“That’s exactly why you <em> have </em>to wear it! Just- sksvfgdbskshd, just trust me, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Yamaguchi stared at her. “Did you just…verbally keysmash?”</p><p>“Yes. Yes I did. Now, what about this,” she tossed the T-shirt onto the bed, “and these?” She held up a pair of black jeans. Black jeans that Yamaguchi had outgrown years ago. “They’re your size, according to the measurements that I took for the team jackets and uniforms.” </p><p>Yamaguchi balked. <em> I thought that I’d thrown those out years ago. </em> “Those are <em> not </em>my size.” He blinked, scrunching his nose. </p><p>“Yes, they are! Come on, Tadashi, trust me. You’re gonna look <em> great.</em>”</p><p>Yamaguchi sighed in defeat, flopping backwards to lie on the carpeted floor. “Alright, fine. But if I don’t like it, then I’m changing, okay?”</p><p>“YESSSSSS-”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, gimme a moment.” Yachi tossed the jeans on the bed too, before walking over to Yamaguchi and pulling something out of the duffle bag. </p><p><em> So they were fishnets. </em> Yamaguchi watched curiously as the blonde picked up a pair of scissors and cut the toes and crotch off the netted stockings (he winced a little at the enthusiastic <em> snip-snips</em>). </p><p>“What time is it? Hmm, only 3 p.m.. That’s good… You should ask him out before it gets too late, it’s Monday tomorrow and we have school.” Yachi put down the stockings and walked back over to the clothes-covered bed, picking up the black jeans. “You don’t exactly care for these, do you?” Yamaguchi shook his head and before he could do anything, the blonde was cutting holes into the dark denim. </p><p> </p><p>“What-” </p><p>“Ripped jeans, Dacchan. You’ll look good, trust me!” </p><p><em> And now she’s ripping out threads with tweezers. God, she’s vicious when she wants to be- </em> When Yachi finally put the pointy two-pronged metal torture device down, the jeans had a couple of frayed rips along the knees and thighs, but nothing too over-the-top. </p><p>She tossed them to Yamaguchi, walking back over to her bag. “Wear the fishnets as a top first, then put the shirt on over them and tuck it into the jeans.”</p><p>“Okay…” With a long suffering sigh, Yamaguchi disappeared into the bathroom. <em> What’s she planning in that clever head of hers? There’s no way I’d look good in this, it’s Tsukki’s shirt, for god’s sake. And the jeans’ll be way too tight! I’m gonna look like a clown- </em> Yamaguchi froze as he finally finished tucking the shirt in and turned around to look at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He looked...<em>good. I look good.  </em></p><p> </p><p>The jeans were actually his size, but Yamaguchi preferred baggy clothes to hide the thighs and skinny arms that he was insecure about. However, while the shirt was baggy enough to hide his “scrawny” shoulders (he was still convinced that it was a flaw that he wasn’t as buff as the rest of the guys on his team), there was really no denying he had legs and an ass in those pants. The rips showed just the right amount of skin, and the fishnet sleeves on his arms added an edgy touch to tie the whole outfit off. <em> I actually like it. Oh, bless your little creative brain, Hitoka-chan. </em>He walked out of the bathroom, Yachi’s shocked gasp bringing a grin to his lips.</p><p>“I told you! <em> I told you </em> you would look good! But did you listen? No-o-o, you did <em> not</em>! Hah!” She did a little sassy finger snap, and Yamaguchi couldn’t help but feel a zing of pride. When he met Yachi, she had been a small, meek girl who barely dared to talk to any of the volleyball players in Karasuno, or any other guys, for that matter. <em> She’s grown so much… I suppose I have too. It’s time for a change. </em></p><p> </p><p>The olive-haired boy planted his hands on his hips. “What’s next? Accessories?”</p><p>Yachi nodded thoughtfully. “Mhm! I think you’d look great with some silver chains-” Yachi reached down and pulled a couple of chunky silver necklaces out of her bag, unclasping them and clipping them around Yamaguchi’s neck before stepping back. “Mmm, I think that’s all you need for accessories. Now, nails!”</p><p>Yamaguchi laughed. “You’re having way too much fun with this.” </p><p>“Hey, you’re finally gonna confess to Tsukishima-kun! We gotta make sure you look good,” she giggled, tugging lightly on a strand of Yamaguchi’s shoulder-length hair. “Mmm, we should definitely do something about your hair, too. So what colour of nail polish do you want?”</p><p> </p><p><em> To hell with it. I might as well have fun. </em>“Black. All black.” </p><p>“Alright!” Yachi cheered, her straight blond ponytail bouncing behind her. She picked out a bottle of black nail polish from the tupperware container and unscrewed the cap, taking Yamaguchi’s hand before dragging him to sit down on the bed. The strong smell of solvent filled the room as she scraped the polish-soaked applicator brush against the lip of the bottle. “So, what are you gonna say to Tsukishima-kun later?” </p><p>The question caught Yamaguchi off-guard. He’d been so caught up in dressing up for his confession that he forgot to think about how he would actually confess. “Umm… I’d probably just tell him that I’ve liked him for a while, and if he wants to go on a date with me? Maybe? I don’t know?” </p><p>“Well, that sounds great! Go for it,” Yachi smiled, carefully swiping the nail polish brush across Yamaguchi’s fingernail and leaving a glossy black coat. “This polish is pretty thick, so I think one coat will do. Thank god you actually take care of your nails usually. So, what do you wanna do with your hair?” </p><p>Yamaguchi watched as his nails were painted with razor-edge precision. “I think…half up in a bun?” </p><p> </p><p>“I can do that! Now, don’t move your hands. <em> Do not </em> move your hands until your nails are dry. I’m serious, or the polish is gonna get everywhere, and it’s hell to remove.” Yachi screwed the cap back onto the little glass bottle and tossed it aside. Standing up as Yamaguchi crossed his legs on the mattress and turned so the back of his head was facing her, she grabbed a couple of bobby pins and hair ties before carefully sectioning off the top half of his hair. Before long, she had twisted some of his hair into a messy bun and secured it with a tie and the pins, a few wispy strands falling out to frame his face. “Perfect. Now for makeup, do you have anything particular in mind?” </p><p> </p><p>Yamaguchi turned around and pointed at the makeup he had set aside on the floor. “Just these.” </p><p>“Hmm, eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss, blush… Why concealer, though?” Yachi mumbled as she bent down to pick them up.</p><p>Yamaguchi moved to reach up and twine a strand of hair around his finger before he remembered about the nail polish, and he sighed. “...You know I don’t like my freckles.” </p><p>They both sat cross-legged on the bed facing each other, and Yachi had her arms propped on her elbows and her fingers steepled like she was some CEO of a rich, important company. “And what if I told you that Tsukishima-kun loves them?”</p><p>“How do you know that? How do we even know if he likes me back at all?”</p><p>“Well, I’ve seen stars and constellations drawn all over his notebooks. Except the stars are positioned suspiciously like the freckles on your cheeks.” Yachi spoke nonchalantly like her words didn’t just make Yamaguchi’s heart jump as if it was on a fucking trampoline, studying her own short, blunt nails. “He likes them. I’m sure of it. And he likes you too. I’ve seen him staring at you with this dreamy expression, it’s adorable.”</p><p>Yamaguchi was still pretty skeptical. <em> But… If I don’t even like them, how could he? </em> </p><p> </p><p>Yachi cleared her throat. “So how about this; we don’t use any concealer, and you let me highlight your freckles instead. That way, they look intentional. Okay?” When Yamaguchi didn’t reply, she grabbed one of his hands and laced their fingers together carefully, being mindful of the still-not-quite-dry polish. “I know I’ve been saying this a whole lot today, but trust me. I’ve been watching the both of you pine after each other for three years. And even if he doesn’t love you that way, he cares enough about you and your feelings to still want to be friends with you.” Her voice was soft and quiet; her words alone held more than enough weight to have any need for volume. “No matter which way you look at it, you’re special to him. Does he treat anyone else the way he treats you? Does he let anyone else treat him the way you do?”</p><p>Yamaguchi didn’t reply. He didn’t need to.</p><p> </p><p>Seemingly deciding to drop the subject for the time being, Yachi smiled slightly and picked up a slim black tube. “Whatever you do, don’t blink.” Yamaguchi’s lashes fluttered as he heard the click of the blonde uncapping the crayon liner, and Yachi pulled at his upper eyelid and held it in place. She had barely placed the tip of the crayon at the edge of Yamaguchi’s upper lash line before the captain flinched back, blinking rapidly. “I said don’t blink!” Yachi giggled, leaning forward as Yamaguchi leaned away. </p><p>“No! Oh god, this was a horrible idea-” The olive-haired boy looked torn between being abjectly horrified and laughing out loud.</p><p>“Noooooo! Just stay still-”</p><p>“No- Gwah!” Yamaguchi burst into laughter as Yachi jabbed his side with the plastic casing of the eyeliner, toppling onto his side and curling up as she continued to attack his ribs. “No- No, you know I’m ticklish! Don’t <em> do that</em>- BWAHAHAHAHAHA!” </p><p> </p><p><em> Oh no you don’t. </em>Reaching up, Yamaguchi jabbed Yachi in the side until she fell over too, and the tickle war began. They poked and prodded at each other until they were lying down on the bed, breathless from laughter and wincing at the stitches in their sides. “T-Tie… It’s a tie,” Yachi gasped, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath, only to accidentally roll too much to the side and topple off the edge of the bed, landing on the floor with a yelp and a <em>thunk </em>and sending them both back into fits of breathless giggles. “Ok-okay… Okay, crap, it’s already 4.30!” She peeled herself off the floor and picked up the eyeliner that she had previously cast aside. </p><p>“Uh… Now I’m nervous about that thing.” Yamaguchi gulped, re-crossing his legs.</p><p>“Oh, come on, it doesn’t <em> hurt</em>!”</p><p>“But it’s <em> uncomfortable</em>!” Yamaguchi whined.</p><p>Yachi sighed, looking to the side. “Alright then. I really wanted to see you with eyeliner……”</p><p><em> Great. Now I feel guilty. </em> Yamaguchi sighed through his nose, rubbing the tip of his nose with a knuckle. “...Fine. But nothing too crazy, okay?”</p><p>“YESSSSSSSS,” Yachi hissed exaggeratedly with a faux-evil grin on her face, and Yamaguchi realised that she had just played him like a violin. </p><p>“Oh, <em> come on</em>! That’s not fair-”</p><p>“Uh uh uh uh! No take backs! Now stay <em> still-</em>”</p><p> </p><p>                               *</p><p> </p><p>By the time Yachi had finished Yamaguchi’s makeup, it was already 5.15 p.m.. She had tightlined and waterlined both his eyes, brushed on mascara to lengthen and fan out his already-long lashes, blended a rosy cream blush into his cheeks and the bridge of his nose to tint them slightly red, and painted his lips over with a clear crystal gloss. For a finishing touch, she had tapped a glowy highlighter along his brow bone, bridge, cupid’s bow and his naturally defined cheekbones to bring out his freckles. Taking his hands and pulling him to his feet, she dragged him into the bathroom to stand in front of the mirror. </p><p> </p><p>Yamaguchi studied his reflection; the fierce, bright eyes, the rosy cheeks, his glowy face and lips. His freckles were stark against his skin, their pigment enhanced by the contrast of the shimmering highlighter. “...You’re a good friend, Hitoka-chan. You know that, right?”</p><p>“Of course. I’ll always be here for you, you know.” Yachi rose onto her tiptoes and propped her chin on Yamaguchi’s shoulder. </p><p>And it was true. Ever since Yachi had joined the Karasuno volleyball team as their assistant manager, she and Yamaguchi had gotten along like birds of a feather. They covered for and helped each other through panic attacks, anxiety, nerves and a whole slew of other issues that they had each thought would be impossible to face. And now, they were third-years Captain Yamaguchi Tadashi and Manager Yachi Hitoka, and they were still as close as ever. “This is the first time I’ve actually felt good about my freckles.”</p><p>“Well, you only took <em> three years</em>. No biggie,” Yachi smirked, playfully jabbing Yamaguchi in the side with a fingertip and giggling at his surprised yelp. “Now go and text Tsukishima-kun and tell him to meet you! It’s now or never. You’re gonna blow him away. And maybe you’ll end up blowing him too-”</p><p>“<em>Hitoka-chan!</em>”</p><p> </p><p>                                *</p><p> </p><p>Yamaguchi and Yachi walked down the stairs, Yachi’s duffle bag slung over her shoulder. Yamaguchi had decided to meet Tsukki in a nearby park at 6 o’clock, and he wanted to get there early. </p><p>“And where are you two going?” Yamaguchi’s mother was leaning on the bottom of the railing, looking up at the two teenagers who had frozen in place on the stairs. She was a petite woman, small but not weak and quite beautiful, and Yamaguchi had inherited his olive hair and multitude of freckles from her.</p><p><em> Crap. Wasn’t she shopping with her friend? She must have come back early… </em>Yamaguchi felt his mother’s gaze travel over his clothes and face, over the chains and fishnet sleeves and ripped jeans and the makeup painted on his skin. He opened his mouth, but his mother spoke before he could.</p><p>“You’re gonna confess to Tsukishima-kun, aren’t you?” Her tone was completely neutral, and Yamaguchi and Yachi stared at her and then each other, both frantically trying to think of explanations and excuses and both coming up blank. The tiniest hint of a smile pulled at her lips. “Well, your dad took the bus to work today, so I have the car. Want me to drive you?” </p><p> </p><p>Yamaguchi thought that he had suddenly gone hard of hearing. This was one of the things he feared most about coming out; what other people would think of him. “You’re not- You’re okay with this? With me dressing like this and wearing makeup and liking...guys…?” His voice got smaller and smaller the longer he spoke, but his mother was definitely grinning now. </p><p>“You threw those jeans away years ago. So why do you think they were still in your closet? And I’ve known that you’ve liked Tsukishima-kun for years. It’s a mom thing, honey.” She shot the both of them a quick wink, walking over to grab the car keys off a hook on the wall. “And Yacchan?” </p><p>“Y-Yes?” Yachi squeaked, drawing herself up straighter, a slight blush painting her cheeks. </p><p>“Good job.”</p><p> </p><p>They followed Yamaguchi’s mother out to their driveway and climbed into the backseat of the car, mumbling thanks to her for driving them. “So, where are you meeting Tsukishima-kun?” She started the engine, pulling out of the gravel path and onto smooth tarmac.</p><p>Yamaguchi cleared his throat. “Midori park.” He fidgeted in his seat as the car drove along the road, but the tension was slowly draining from his shoulders.</p><p>His mother looked over her shoulder briefly to check her blind spot as she turned a corner. “Alright, so I’ll drop you off, and then bring Yacchan back home. How’s that sound?”</p><p>“That’s perfect, Yamaguchi-san,” Yachi chirped, also a little more relaxed now, leaning back into the faux-leather seat. </p><p>“Do you know what time you’ll be back, Tadashi?”</p><p>“Umm… about 9? I’ll text you when I’m heading home.”</p><p>“Alright then. Ah, we’re here.” Yamaguchi’s mother slowed to a stop as the entrance of the parchment into view. Yamaguchi opened the car door, stepping out with nothing but his phone and a plastic bottle of mineral water. He was way less nervous than he thought he’d be; it seemed that Yachi’s pep talks had come through.</p><p>He looked back. “Okaasan?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“...Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>                               *</p><p> </p><p>Tsukishima Kei looked around as he walked through the park, looking for his best friend. Yamaguchi had asked him to be at their usual stone bench at 6, and he wondered why; they only went to the park to workout, but they usually didn’t train this late. When Tsukki caught sight of his volleyball team captain, he almost couldn’t recognise him. His brain was wiped blank with the sight of his Tadashi in new clothes and makeup, before his head filled with thoughts again, mainly <em> damn, he looks good in my shirt… </em> and <em> oh my god are his freckles even more beautiful than usual? </em>But Tsukki pushed those thoughts out of his head; they were decidedly way less platonic than they ought to have been. </p><p> </p><p>Despite his best efforts to stay indifferent, Tsukki’s heart glowed with pride and adoration as he slowly walked towards Yamaguchi. The boy looked…well, <em> comfortable</em>. Like he had finally settled into his own skin. From the way he stood to the tiny, serene smile on his face, he looked at peace in a way Tsukki had never seen before. Although he was happy to see the boy he loved shining as brightly as he was meant to, Tsukki felt his heart sink, the small bubble of hope in his chest bursting with an anticlimactic <em> pop</em>. <em> There’s no way he’s gonna confess… He’d be way more nervous. </em>This was exactly why Tsukki forced himself to be indifferent to everything and everyone (although Yamaguchi, in his typical heartwarming Yamaguchi fashion, had somehow managed to smash the ice walls he had frozen around his heart to smithereens); so he wouldn’t get disappointed, so he wouldn’t get his heart broken even more than when his brother Akiteru had betrayed his trust. </p><p> </p><p>Yamaguchi caught something at the corner of his eye and turned around, raising his hand in a small wave (<em>is that nail polish?</em>) when he realised that it was Tsukki. The blond walked towards him, his face his signature hard mask of apathy, and Yamaguchi had to make sure that his face didn’t betray how nervous he was because good <em> lord </em> was he nervous. </p><p>“Hey Tsukki!” Yamaguchi let out a nervous laugh which he disguised as a cough, a smile on his lips.</p><p>“Hello. Why are we here again?” Tsukki winced internally at the way Yamaguchi’s smile dipped slightly before picking back up again. He hadn’t meant to be so harsh; if he were speaking to anyone else he wouldn’t have given a damn, but he had never wanted to hurt Yamaguchi. </p><p> </p><p><em> Say it. Say it. Just say it. </em>Yamaguchi’s mouth opened and closed, but not a peep came out. He tried to speak, but his words were clogged in his throat like honey, sticky and suffocating and- </p><p>“Tadashi?” Tsukki raised an eyebrow. “I don’t have all night, you know-”</p><p>“<em>I like you!</em>” Yamaguchi blurted out, clapping a hand over his mouth in mortification immediately after. </p><p>Tsukki’s heart pumped so hard he could physically <em> feel </em> the blood rushing through his veins. That little bubble of hope had suddenly reinflated so fast it felt as if his chest was about to burst. <em> I like you too. I like you too. More than like. Way more. </em>So why couldn’t he say those words? Instead, the only thing that slipped out of his stupid mouth was, “Of course you like me. We’re friends, aren’t we?”</p><p>Yamaguchi fiddled with his hands nervously, picking at his cuticles. “As in… I like you as more than a friend. Like holding hands and going on dates kinda like.” He only dared to meet Tsukki’s eyes for a moment longer before he looked away, his cheeks flushing a delicate pink.</p><p>For someone as academically gifted as Tsukki was, he had way less emotional intelligence, and he sure got dumber as he got more and more shocked. His brain naturally reverted to its Standard Operating Procedures, and the one word (out of the entire arsenal of words he could have chosen!) that slipped out this time was, “Okay.” </p><p> </p><p>“O...kay? Oh. <em> Oh. </em> Umm… Okay. Yeah. I hope that- that we can still be friends and- umm- I’ll- I'll go...” The last of Yamaguchi’s words were mumbled in a rush to the ground, and he turned around slowly, glancing back at Tsukki like he was waiting for something else, but the blond had nothing to offer except the blank facade which was hiding his thoughts and emotions, now roiling inside him like the raging sea. Tsukki had considered how his words (or rather his lack of them) and coldness could hurt Yamaguchi many times before, but he had never really <em> understood </em>until right then. The olive-haired boy had tears glittering on his lashes, and he looked scared and…disappointed. </p><p>
  <em> Oh god. He’s disappointed in me.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tsukki could only stand and watch as Yamaguchi ran down the leaf-strewn path, deserted at the moment, his sneakers crunching through the dry, dead foliage. His throat closed up as another realisation struck him. <em> No… He’s disappointed in himself. </em> Yamaguchi looked like he did whenever they lost a volleyball game, and he blamed himself for it. Yeah. He looked like he was blaming himself, for being stupid enough to ever believe that someone like Tsukki was in his league, for thinking he ever stood a chance, <em> but he did. </em> Tsukki’s stomach twisted up into knots and a wave of anger slammed into his chest, so strong his fingers trembled. He was <em> fuming. </em> At the world, at all the people who had ever bullied Yamaguchi, at all the homophobes and haters, because the boy he loved was <em> scared </em> to tell him how he really felt, he was scared that people would judge him, and Tsukki was fuming because how dare they, <em> how fucking dare they make Yamaguchi feel that way. </em> But mostly, he was mad at himself, for standing there like an idiot as everything he’d ever wanted slipped right through his fingers, away from his reach. He tried so hard to be perfect, to get as close to flawless as he could possibly be, he couldn’t fuck this up, not this of all things, not <em> now</em>- </p><p> </p><p>Tsukki finally gathered his wits and broke into a sprint, because Yamaguchi being disappointed in him he could deal with, but Yamaguchi being disappointed with <em> himself </em> was something he couldn’t and would never accept. The sky was dark now, and the only light came from the moon and the dusty streetlights that stood sentinel on both sides of the brick path. He couldn’t see Yamaguchi anywhere, and he was more than a little worried. <em> Where is he? Is he okay? It’s so dark, what if he’s hurt? What if he needs my help? </em>Tsukki could feel his common sense slipping away for the first time in a long while, overridden by his panic and anger and worry. “T-Tadashi?” he called out, softer than he intended; it felt strange to disturb the tranquility of the park. His blood pulsed in his ears, louder and louder and louder, the only thing he could hear; he could feel himself spiralling downwards, nausea bubbling in the pit of his stomach as he looked around and all he could see were trees, tall and imposing and wreathed in darkness, cloaked in shadow.</p><p> </p><p>Tsukki closed his eyes, taking a moment to compose himself. As he took a deep, stinging breath of cold night air, a memory floated to mind; the memory of Yamaguchi sitting against the trunk of a sprawling oak tree, its boughs spiralling up into the sky, his head tipped back, eyes closed, chest rising and falling gently and sunlight filtering down through the leaves to gild his face in soft gold. <em> His favourite tree. </em> He started off again, his chest expanding and contracting with his breaths, skidding down a tiled side path that he would have missed if he didn’t know it was there, his worn sneakers slipping over dried leaves. When he got to the grassy clearing with the massive, sprawling oak tree in its middle, he didn’t see anyone at first, and not until his footsteps were cushioned by the soft blades of wet grass underfoot did he hear the faint sound of someone crying. <em> Tadashi. </em> As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he made out the pale fabric of the oversized T-shirt that Yamaguchi was wearing, the soft cotton seeming almost glow-in-the-dark. The boy hadn’t seemed to notice him yet, with his face pressed to his knees and his arms wrapped around his shins, so Tsukki tread softly, his heart breaking a little more every time Yamaguchi let out a soft sob. </p><p> </p><p><em> This is my fault, isn’t it? </em> Tsukki felt out of control. He was feeling more emotions that he had in the past ten years collectively, and his heart was thundering in his chest, blood rushing in his ears, his skull pounding at the mere thought of tears on Yamaguchi’s face, tears that <em> he </em>had caused. When he got close enough Yamaguchi suddenly looked up, his expression raw and hopeful for a moment before he looked away, furiously wiping at his tears, heartbreak now clear on his face. He pushed himself to his feet awkwardly, and Tsukki’s heart ached as he watched the boy he loved search for words that usually came to him at a whim. But Tsukki didn’t need words. He had sworn to himself that he’d never cry in front of anyone other than himself ever again, but he’d rather cry than let Yamaguchi believe he wasn’t loved more than anything else Tsukki ever had. </p><p> </p><p>The blond fell to his knees, wrapping his arms around Yamaguchi’s waist before he could stumble back in alarm. “T-Tsukki? What are you-” he tried to pull Tsukki’s arms off him, but the boy only clung on tighter. </p><p>“Don’t go. Please.” </p><p>Yamaguchi heard a soft sniff. <em> Is he…crying? </em>“...Are you okay?”</p><p>Tsukki let out a weak laugh. “I just found out the boy I have feelings for likes me back and my emotions are all over the place. I don’t- I don’t know. If I’m okay.” He buried his face into Yamaguchi’s stomach, sighing softly and relaxing as he felt trembling fingers weave into his hair. “But I <em> will </em> be okay. As long as I have you.” </p><p>Yamaguchi ran his fingers through Tsukki’s golden curls, separating the strands as he tried to find the words which would help him express his whirlwind of thoughts. </p><p>“Be my boyfriend, Tadashi.” Tsukki finally looked up, his eyes red and swollen beneath his black-rimmed glasses. </p><p> </p><p><em>Boyfriend. Boyfriend. Boyfriend?! </em>Yamaguchi gaped down at the blond. “B-But- You said <em>okay</em>! Not that you like me too! How was I supposed to know-” He pulled his hand back from Tsukki’s hair and buried his face in his palms, letting out an embarrassed groan. </p><p>Tsukki sniffed again, resting his throat against Yamaguchi’s stomach and letting out a strained ‘Yamaguchi urusai’ which the captain instinctively replied with a ‘gomen Tsukki!”.</p><p> </p><p>If they curled up and fell asleep beneath that oak tree in each other’s arms that night, it was nobody’s business. And if Yamaguchi’s mother decided to stay at a friend’s a few weeks later so that her son and Tsukki could have the house to themselves for the night, that was also nobody’s business. <em> And </em>if Yamaguchi showed up to practice the next day with purple-pink love bites blooming like flowers all over his body and Tsukki with long red scratches down his back, well, that was nobody’s business either. </p>
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